Free Parents Guide to Internet Pornography

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If you’d like a quick overview of the impact of pornography adolescents, we recommend you watch two videos for starters. It will only take 20 minutes of your time.

De earste is in 4-minuten TED-diskusje troch Stanford University Professor Philip Zimbardo neamd "The Demise of Guys”. The second is Gary Wilson’s TEDx talk “The Great Porn Experiment” that answers Zimbardo’s challenge, (16 mins). Both focus on use by boys, but today girls are increasingly being targeted by the porn industry to build a bigger market.

This is a great little video about tastimming. Kids love it. See our webpages for more information on consent and teenagers.

When you have more time, this TED video (14 mins) by Professor Sarah Jayne Blakemore called de mysterieuze wurken fan it adolesinte hars explains the healthy adolescent brain. It is a good overview, but she does not mention pornography and its effects.

This longer prate with slides by Dr Baler (50 mins) of the US National Institute on Drug Abuse is helpful. It looks at how the adolescent brain can go awry as a result of toxic stimuli like pornography, gaming, drugs, alcohol etc. Dr Baler explains that adolescentsXCHARX brains are particularly plastic and a double-edged sword that can be shaped for good or ill. Bingeing on gaming, gambling and pornography over time are now recognised by experts as being able to change the brain in the same way as drugs and other substances of abuse. It sets out how we can help young people build resilience to addiction.

Your child’s brain on porn

  1. Teaching your child how porn use can affect their it ûntwikkeljen fan brain over time is key. See videos above and elsewhere on this website. This can help them become aware of their own use of sexy content and take steps to find healthier ways to learn about sex or divert themselves from constantly thinking about it. Younger children need more boundaries, older children need to be encouraged to take care of their own health and wellbeing. Porn use increases sexual frustration.
  2. Internet porn shapes the way an adolescent brain’s responds to sexual arousal. Psychologists call it the “sexual arousal template“. It normally becomes active at puberty but early exposure to porn can influence sexualised behaviour in younger children.
  3. Bingeing on porn on a regular basis over months and years will increase how much sexual stimulation a user needs to become excited. Heavy porn consumption can mean that when they get with a real person they may feel little or no excitement. Hear this young man’s ferhaal. Find out how porn can affect young froulju te.
Tips for talking to kids
  1. Don’t blame and shame a child for watching pornography. It is everywhere on social media and in music videos. It can be hard to avoid. Other kids pass it on for a laugh or bravado, or your child may stumble across it. They may of course be actively seeking it out too. Just forbidding your child from watching it only makes it more tempting, for as the old saying goes, ‘ferbeiende fruchten smaaklikste'.
  2. Keep the lines of communication open so that you are their first port of call to discuss issues around porn. Children are naturally curious about sex from a young age. Online porn seems like a cool way to learn how to be good at sex. Be open and honest about your own feelings about pornography. Consider talking about your own exposure to porn as a young person, even if it feels uncomfortable.
  3. Kids don’t need one big talk about sex. They need many conversations as they grow,. Each must be age appropriate. Fathers and mothers both need to play a role.
  4. Lit jo bern dat witte porn is designed by multi-billion dollar tech bedriuwen to hook users without their awareness. It’s all about keeping their attention. Companies sell and share intimate information about a user’s desires and habits to third parties and advertisers. It is addictive like online gaming, gambling and social media to keep users coming back as soon as they are bored or anxious.
  5. Dealing with protests: Kids may protest at first, but many children have told us they would like their parents to impose curfews on them and give them clear boundaries. You are not doing your child any favours by leaving them ‘literally’ to their own devices.
  6. Don’t feel guilty for taking assertive action with your children. Their mental health and wellbeing are very much in your hands. Arm yourself with knowledge and an open heart to help your child navigate this challenging period of development. Here is rie from a child psychiatrist.
Practical tips
  1. Ferkear jouw jo bern in smartphone of tablet foar sa lang mooglik. Mobiltelefons betsjutte dat jo kinne yn kontakt bliuwe. Soenen bern bern echt 24 oere-tagong tagong ta ynternet? De American Academy of Pediatrics recommend that children 3-18 years should not use screens for more than 2 oeren in dei. That may be tricky given how much online homework children have. There are lots of apps to monitor internet usage especially for entertainment purposes. Children 2 years and under should not use screens at all.
  2. Slaen it ynternet yn 'e nacht. Of, op syn minste, Alle tillefoans en tablets fan jo sliepkeamer wurde fuortsmiten. Lack of restorative sleep is increasing stress, depression and anxiety in many children today. They need restorative sleep to help them integrate the day’s learning, help them grow, make sense of their emotions and feel well.
  3. Resint ûndersyk suggerearret dat alle filters allinich jo bern net beskermje kinne fan tagong ta pornografy. It bewarjen fan de rigels fan kommunikaasje iepen is wichtiger. It meitsjen fan pornografy hurder as tagong is lykwols altyd in goeie begjin, benammen mei jonge bern. It is wurdich te setten Filters op alle ynternetfoarsjenningen en soargje op in regelmjittige basis dat se wurkje. Hjir binne guon dy't wy heard hawwe. Kontrolearje asjebleaft mei NSPCC of Childline of CEOP foar de lêste oanwizings.
  4. Apps. Der binne in soad oare software- en stipeopties. Ikydz is an app to allow parents to monitor their kids’ use. Momint is in frije app Dat jout in persoan om har gebrûk online te kontrolearjen, limyt te setten en ûntfangende nûmers te krijen by it berikken fan dy limiten. Brûkers hawwe in tendins om har gebrûk te ûnderskieden troch in wichtige marzje. Dit is lyk oan, mar net frij. It helpt de minsken it har brain te ferfangen mei help by de wei. It hjit Brainbuddy. Here are some other programmes that may be useful: Covenant Eyes; Bark; NetNanny; Mobicip; Qustodio Parental Control; WebWatcher; Norton Family Premiere; OpenDNS Home VIP; PureSight Multi. Their appearance in this list does not constitute an endorsement by The Reward Foundation.

Jo Brain op Porn

There are a variety of resources available to help parents deal with this tricky subject. The best book on the market is by our honorary research officer Gary Wilson (we would say that but it happens to be true) and is called “Jo Brain op Porn: Internet Pornografy en de Emerging Science of Addiction”. Gary is an excellent science teacher who explains the brain’s reward or motivation system in a very accessible way for non-scientists. The book is an update on his popular TEDx talk from 2012. It is supported by yourbrainonporn.com, the largest and most comprehensive source of information about pornography on the Internet.

The impact of porn is made more real through the hundreds of heartening recovery stories by younger and older guys, and some women too. Many started watching internet porn at a young age. Your Brain on Porn has excellent tips about recovery set out by those who know best. Thousands of former users on porn recovery sites mention that it was Gary’s explanation of porn’s effects on the adolescent brain that helped them experiment with quitting porn.

The book is available in paperback, on Kindle or as an audiobook. It was updated in October 2018 to take account of the World Health OrganisationXCHARXs recognition of a new diagnostic category of XCHARXCompulsive Sexual Behaviour DisorderXCHARX. Translations are available in Dutch, Arabic and Hungarian so far, with others in the pipeline.

Oare oanbefellende boeken

  1. Learaar en psycholooch Collett Smart hat in nij boek brocht "They’ll be okay.: 15 conversations to help your child through troubled times"It docht wat it seit op 'e label.
  1. Kind psychiater Dr. Victoria Dunckley's boek "Resulearje jo bernemint"En har fergees blog ferklearje de effekten fan te folle skermere tiid op it bernebeweging. Wichtich stelt it in plan foar wat âlders kinne dwaan om har bern te helpen op 'e nij te spyljen.

Dr Dunckley doesn’t isolate porn use but focuses on internet use in general. She says that about 80% of the children she sees do not have the mental health disorders they have been diagnosed with and medicated for, such as ADHD, bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety etc. but rather have what she calls ‘electronic screen syndrome.’ This syndrome mimics the symptoms of many of these common mental health disorders. The mental health issues can often be cured/reduced by removing the electronic gadgets for a period of around 3 weeks in most cases.

Har boek befynt hoe't âlders dit kinne dwaan yn in stap foar guod yn gearwurking mei de skoalle fan 'e bern.

Boeken foar jonge bern

"Pandora's kast is iepen. No, wat doch ik? " Gail Poyner is in psycholooch en leveret brûkbere hynder-ynformaasje en maklike oefeningen om bern te helpen te tinken troch opsjes.

"Good Pictures, Bad Pictures"Troch Kristen Jensen en Gail Poyner. Ek in goeie boek dy't rjochtet op it bernebeweging.

Net foar bern. Beskermje fan bern. Liz Walker has written a simple book for very young children with colourful graphics.

Free online resources for parents

  1. Eardere sosjologyske heechlearaar en auteur, Dr. Gail Dines, is grûnlizzer fan Kultuer ferhierd. Har radikale feministyske fokus is op hoe't ús fergrutte kultuer ús bern soarget foar seksueel eksploitaasje en rôp se fan har kâns op sûnens en bliid seksuele ûntwikkeling. Se jout ek help by dy wichtige petearen mei bern.
  2. Seldsum frije advys fan anti-bern misbrûkend ferieniging StopIt Now! Parents Protect
  3. Hjir is in wichtige nije melde fan Internet Matters op ynternet feiligens en digitale piraterie mei tips oer hoe jo bern jou feilich hâlde as se it net surfeare.
  4. Advys út it NSPCC oer online porno.

Recovery websites

Meast fan 'e wichtige frije webside fan' e ferwidering sa as RebootNation.org; PornHelp; NoFap.com; Fightthenewdrug.org; Gean foar Greatness en Addicted to Internet Porn binne wrâldske mar hawwe religieuze leden ek. Nuttich foar âlders om te sjen nei in idee fan wat yn 'e ferwachting ûnderfine en binne no mei te behanneljen as se oanpasse.

Faith-based resources

Der binne ek goede boarnen beskikber te stellen foar leefberens basearre mienskippen lykas Yntegriteit restaurearre foar katoliken en MuslimMatters foar dy fan it islamityske leauwen.

Autisme Spektrum Disorder

As jo ​​in bern hawwe dy't beoardiele is as it op it autismespektrum is, moatte jo bewust wêze dat jo bern op in hegere risiko kin wêze om pôrografy te beheljen as neurotypyske bern. As jo ​​fertelle dat jo bern op it spektrum wêze soe, soe it in goeie idee wêze om se te beoardielje. Autismespektrumsnoarmering is in neurologyske steat oanwêzich fan 'e berte. It is gjin geastlike sykte. It beynfloedet oer 1: 100 minsken. Wylst it in folle mear meidere betingst is tusken mantsjes, kinne guon ek it hawwe. Foar mear ynformaasje lêze dizze blogs op pornografy en autisme; in ferhaal fan mem; en autisme: echte of fake?

Reglemint yntervinsje

De Britske regearing hat wetjouwing yntrodearre om tagonklik te beskermjen troch ûnder 18-jiertalen oan ynternets pornografy. Sjoch dit blog Oer it foar mear details.

Mear draachflak fan 'e Belestingstifting

Nim kontakt op mei ús if there is any area you’d like us to cover on this subject. We will be developing more material on our website over the coming months. Sign up to our e-newsletter Rewarding News (at foot of page) and follow us on Twitter (@brain_love_sex) for the latest developments.

The ParentsXCHARX Guide was last updated 19 March 2019

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